Paint

She looked at him and said:
"I can paint a picture of a thousand lies. I've played the hand I was dealt and perhaps I could have done better. I wish nothing more than to leave this hell, but I fear- no I'm sorry, I know that'd I'd just end up right back were I started. I'll just drown myself with the bottle and gasp util the last pill is gone?" 
He asked her why? 
"Perhaps", she started, "Perhaps I'm addicted to my self-destruction."